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Rob_Hugo@PortNWHow does your family feel about interracial marriages? Is it looked down upon or resented? In my family, my older brother is married to a caucasian girl, and my other brother is about to be engaged also to a caucasian girl. My parents were very against this at first, but they are okay with it now. My grandparents on the other hand are nice to them to their faces, but to my parents they say my brothers "diou lien" like Amy said before, which means to lose face. I think it is fine to marry whoever you love, but many traditionalists feel that they people should stay within their own ethnicity. Although I must admit that there are obviously less differences, and it is easier culturally to get to know one another's families.
AnonymousFor my family I know that education would be stressed more than race. I think that my mom would be much more accepting of a caucasian guy who has his master's or doctorate in something to a Vietnamese guy with just a high school diploma. Maybe the reason for this is because we've already had interracial marraiges (with caucasians) in our extended family, so it's not seen as such a big deal anymore.
I think race, however, would be VERY much frowned upon (to put it lightly) if the guy wasn't caucasian. It's unfortunate to say but there are racists in my family (especially the older generations) and I don't think any doctorate or ph.d would get consent if the guy my sisters and I weren't (east) asian or caucasian (ie african-american, hispanic, indian, middle eastern, etc.) :} 🙁 :@ [Edit by="ctran on Jun 6, 12:26:07 AM"][/Edit]
AnonymousActually, my mother is marrying a caucasian man in 2 weeks, so I guess that shows her opinion on interracial marriages. I feel that those who have lived in America for awhile are much more accepting of this than those living in Asia. Also, in Los Angeles, interracial marriages are quite common among Asians and Caucasians. They seem to be more "accepted" than marriages between other races. It was quite interesting over winter break when my mom brought her fiance home to Nanjing to meet my grandmother and my relatives. They all acted very friendly towards him but I also knew they were a little concerned about the relationship. I think my parents are pretty accepting of interracial relationships. I remember when I dated a latino guy, my mom showed no objections. Overall, I agree that one should marry for love and not based on ethnicity.
Anonymousi think my parents do have a preference of who they want me to marry, which ethnicity, and whatnot, but ultimately they still leave me with the decision to choose. after all, it is my life. personally, i prefer marrying someone of the same ethnicity simply because it would be easier for us to find that commonality that would link us together. like sally said, interracial marriages are pretty common nowadays, and more "accepted" here than in asian countries.
AnonymousI was originally planning on writing my paper on inter-ethnic marriages among different Asian races: Korean-Chinese, Chinese-Japanese, Korean-Japanese, Vietnamese-Chinese. However due to lack of any valid sources I had to throw out the idea but I think it would still make a really interesting topic for a paper. . .so if anyone would like to inherit the idea for future papers?
Anyway, I know that my parents would prefer me to marry a Chinese boy and if not Chinese then some other Asian race and if not that then Caucasian. So I guess my parents see interracial marriages in a similar way as ctran's. I think that my parent's preference for a particular race is often mistaken for racism and in a way I suppose it is, but not in a hateful, anti-non-Asian spirit. I feel that it is more of a comfort issue of knowing what to expect from a particular culture and ultimately a matter of trust. Basically I don't resent my parent's preference for the race of my future husband because I understand their reaons.
AnonymousMy older sister has a caucasian boyfriend and my parents aren't really against it. The only thing they complain about is that since my parents don't speak fluent english, they think it'll be harder for them to communicate if my sister gets married. Relationships definitely takes time and I think adjusting to the different culture is difficult. I have to agree with Michelle that staying with a significant other of the same race probably creates less differences due to the same background.
AnonymousIve had this talk many times over with my parents, and they generally say that they prefer that the guy be smart and well off so that he can support me in the future. They look at the career rather than the ethnicity. But at the same time I know that they do value if I do find that guy who is of the same race because it makes communication and lifestyle a little less complicated. The only thing though is that my parents are even more critical when it comes to asian, and specifically Vietnamese boys. They go about questioning his family and background to further deduce if he would be suitable for the future.
AnonymousGrowing up, I always thought I was going to marry a Chinese guy. However, when I started making friends through elementary, middle, and high school, I started considering marrying someone of another ethnicity. I talked to my mom about marriage and she seemed really open to me marrying outside of the Chinese ethnicity, but she seemed to still encourage me to try to marry within my own race. I think it is important to marry someone you love and feel that you can grow with and be compatible with, however I do see some advantages to marrying within your race--parents and grandparents can communicate better and you and your spouse can preserve the culture and tradition throughout the next generation.
AnonymousI'm not sure exactly where my parents stand on this issue since we never seriously talked about it, but I'm sure they are open minded about interracial marriages. They've stressed to me few times how they would like to retire to China, but I should get US citizenship. If they want me to get US citizenship then they must be prepared to the possibility that I might date guys who are not Asian. My parents might be open minded abotu interracial marriages but I still don't think they'll be very happy about it. My mom have stressed to me many times how marriage isn't only between two people but also between two families. A few days before my high school graduation, my mom showed to me a letter she found online from a father to his daughter. It was about he was against interracial marriages, not because he's racist or anything, but because it is also a marriage between families. If the families are so different culturally, the marriage will not work. It might sound depressing, but that is the reality.
AnonymousMy parents definitely prefer that I marry someone of the same ethinicity. It's quite contradictory the things that I observe from them. I remember when they saw an interracial couple, they would say something along the line, "wow, that's really nice that people of different races do intermarry." Yet, when I asked them what if I marry someone who's not Asian, or a non-Vietnamese, they would say, "that's not good." Thus, from that, I can tell that my parents are not against interracial marriage per se, but rather, I think they just dont want their children to marry someone of different ethnicity because they find it hard to communicate with their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. They prefer that there is a certain foundation, a commonality. Furthermore, my parents don't speak fluent English, so that adds to their preference. It's quite understandable to see where they're coming from.
AnonymousMy parents, like some of the previous posts, prefer i marry someone of the same enthnicity, but as i get older, i see them being more open minded. They still prefer someone asian, but i don't think they can force me not to be with someone other than asian. I'm sure that if i am truly in love with someone, and my parents can see that that person would be good for me, then the race shouldn't matter much. Of course, there will be that language and culture barrier between my family and the other person if they are of different race, but i think over time, both sides can adapt to one another.
Anonymouswell my parents tell me that they don't care who i marry as long as he make me happy and is good to me, but in reality i don't know how they would actually react if i brought home a black guy and introduced him as my fiance. They would probably freak out and not kno how to respond. lucky for them, i prefer asian guys over any other ethnicies, just because i think we would have more in common in terms of culture and beliefs. But i am totally for interracial marriages, i think that they take a lot of work on account of different familiy backgrounds and traditions... and in some cases, the problem of language barrier between in-laws... which could definitely be trouble.
AnonymousGood post, Queenie. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!
To tell you the truth, I'm happy I'm dating someone who will fit into my life & my family life: Chinese, Taiwan-born, working on doctoral degree in bioengineering, speaks fluent & reads Chinese, treats me as well as my own parents, and is not that much older than me (we're not pulling a TomKat here). I won't feel uncomfortable in introducing him to my family (been there, done that; he's alreay met my youngest cousin & one aunt).
Despite what everyone seems to be telling you: Marry someone who you love & who loves you. I believe that that person has to be happy being a part of your life. How comfortable will they feel if your world is so much different from theirs??
I've been dating my bf for half a year & he met my mother earlier, but both my parents this past weekend. All my parents want for me is a guy who:
1) Is not too short or ugly. (I'M SERIOUS! This is for our kids' sake)
2) Does not have a disease or cancer. (You can love someone....... but it will pain you to love someone who is suffering & you can't help them)
3) Is willing to make money.
4) Loves, respects, and cherishes me.
I'm curious to say what YOUR parents say and what YOU say.
-Ames