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Rob_Hugo@PortNWsince we're all here at ucla, i'm assuming that we're all generally good students with good work ethics and motivation to succeed and do our best in life.
My question is, how much of a role have your parents played in your academic lives? Did they have bed times, force you to go to SAT school, or sign you up for extracurriculars, violin, piano, tennis, volunteer work, and research all at the same time so that you would have a better chance for college?
My parents have, I think, been relatively pretty relaxed about my studies, especially since I've gotten older. They never forced me to study for certain hours or go to bed at a certain time as long as my grades were good. Unlike many of my friends, my mom didn't pester me to attend SAT classes or not watch TV.. like i said, I think my mom was pretty relaxed.. as long as my grades didn't slip.
I have a friend whose parents made nearly every decision for her... she wasn't allowed to listen to any music except classical, she had her summers planned out for her with supplementary science classes, and her other days filled with violin, chinese, piano, science olympiad, sat classes, tutoring and volunteer work. She was one of the smartest people I have ever known and her hard work has paid off (she's at caltech with a full scholarship), but I wonder if it was worth it..
What were your guys' situations with academics and how did u feel about it?
AnonymousMy parents were also pretty relaxed about all my extracirricular activities in high school more so because they did not know a whole lot about all of it. They knew in order to succeed, I had to volunteer, get good grades, be well-rounded, etc. But fot the most part, I went out and explored and involved myself into campus life on my own. My parents got involved in my college application process though...as in helping me find infomation on schools and financial aid, going through SATs, how to write a personal statement. But the information was more so for them to learn about the whole process and to make sure I'm doing the right things/keeping on the right track...otherwise they let me pretty much hold the cards in my academic and extracirrcular career. And I think that has worked out for the best because I get to be involved in things that I like best and I also meet people that have common interests. It takes a lot of self-motivation and independence, but I think those have been some of my stronger qualities, and it was all because my parents didn't conform me to be the model student.
Anonymousdespite other images i may have somewhat formed about my parents, i don't feel they're particularly strict on me.
its really a strange cyclic phenomenon: if dad is in a bad mood, turn off the tv and run upstairs and pretend you're reading in your free time. other times he watches tv WITH us. what a double standard...
but yea, u learn how to please your parents. now this doens't mean my brother and i are always goofing off. my parents have also relaxed their standards on being watchdogs. they know i'm studying. well, to put it in a better term, they kno i'll come out with decent grades. they know that i feel personal stress at every negative feedback; hence they never worry about my report cards/ what i'm doing with my free time.
what they do tend to find annoying is you know on those summer days when you just happen to can't get off teh couch. i mean.. EVERYTHING is good. or maybe you have this video game you were addicted to (welcome to the life of the high school student).
i'll tell u this, if my dad catches me spending too long of a time period on the media, he'll start getting annoyed. he'll give the "you're wasting your life " speech. my brother usually retaliates with , "oh my god dad, its SUMMER!" .
and he'll retaliate with his "reading during your freetime is a better usage" speech.
its funny though, since i rarely watch tv anymore if at all, but back then that was how it was. =}
i can definetely see the points my parents were making now that i'm older. but ya know, once in a while azn parents get their knickers in a twist...
Anonymousthe following is much less related to the topic of this branch:
but in other cases, i read above a slight mentioning of piano practicing.
that brings back oodles of memories....
by the time i reached sophomore year in high school, i started to love the piano. as in, i coudln't live without it. it was a means of my expression...without music i would seriously have died.... i can't even remember..
but related to practicing this wasn't always the case. i remember cases of STARTING at my piano in DIRE HATRED. everyone who's played a instrument should know this. when you're a kid, you DONT GIVE. you want to relax, do other things. its partly psychological as well. i'm sure its not too hard to imagine... if you're forced to do ANYTHING, you're gonna intrepret it as work... work... and play. hmmm which one to choose -_______-xx
but really when i moved to taiwan, and stopped lessons, i started to get uncomfortable. people around me, especially my best friend, began to influence me.. as i saw them play their complex pieces and impressive melodies, i wanted to IMPRESS. i wanted to KICK some arse. so i got back in the game. when i moved back to the US (now realize that though i had stopped lessons, i was far from inept in the instrument.. its just that i was forced until now) i started lessons willingly. it was then i realized that lessons were expensive...and actually a blessing from your parents, but *ahem, anyways....
soon, after learning impressive classical pieces, (senior yr in high school), i started to play not to impress, but to EXPRESS. music can express feelings that words can never.. and as i went to college i began to feel like i coudln't live without the sproul music rooms. also i began to meet a BILLION azns who said "yea, i used to play piano too". but answers were: "yea about 2, years ; about 1 year... then i gave up; about 3-4 years...but that was a long time ago; uhm.. im' not that good... " . i started to appreciate the suffering and turmoil my parents strictly forced me to do. in addition, all the fundamentals (theory) which i ABHORED but was forced to learn, helped me develop a musicality base that could be applied to all instruments. i do believe that at some point there MUST be a point where you ACTIVELY want to further your skills. i also see a lot of musicians who have excellent technicality but play with no feeling, but thats another story. not all people agree with me on that one.
sry for rambling, but i mean it when i say, if not for music, just let me die >=]
AnonymousThroughout high school, my mom always had a pretty healthy attitude towards my academics. Similar to something I read on this board, I was the one who was more upset when I did poorly on an exam than my mom. I remember in middle school my teacher gave me a U (unsatisfactory) for talking too much in class, and I was crying at home so my mom had to cheer me up. She's always shown me that grades are important, but not an indication of self-worth or intelligence. She never asked me if I did my homework or forced me to study, because she knew I wouldn't let myself slip. One thing she did check was the report card, however. I think oftentimes parents who are too strict on their kids, constantly telling them what to do, are depriving their children of experiencing self-motivation. People who are motivated to study so that they can fulfill their own goals are often more successful than those who study so that their parents won't get mad at them, in my opinion. So I feel in some ways that our parents did us a favor by allowing us to learn from our own mistakes and to pursue excellence in order to meet our own expectations and nobody elses.
AnonymousMy parents pretty much didn't care about my academics after middle school. They figured since my study pattern has been pretty much set, they shouldn't have to worry about me. Besides, they believe that there are greater things in life than simply academics. They encouraged me to play sports and participate in extracurricular activities and grades really weren't an issue with them.
As long as I tried my best, it was good enough for them.
Anonymousmy parents pretty much let me do my own thing. i was a responsible kid so they didn't have to hassle me too much about getting good grades or doing well in school. come to think of it, my parents have always been pretty easy on me. every time i get a bad grade in a certain class/etc, i would be the one giving myself a hard time--not my parents. of course, if it wasn't for their support and encouragement, i wouldnt be here at ucla. =)
AnonymousMy parents, especially my mom, really pushed my academics. She always stressed that academics came first above everything else. Especially when AIM came around, my mom was on my butt about it 24/7! And she signed me up for cello, soccer, basketball, swimming, and piano. And yah, I wasn't allowed to listen to music when I was studying. If I brought home a "B", my mom would be even stricter and ground me or something. She used to make me sit at the piano and practice an hour every day, and then practice Chinese an hour after that. Then school work came last after the work she gave me herself. I remember I had to learn times tables and addition, long division, in kindergarten because my mom wanted me to be ahead. For SAT's, my mom signed up for the Princeton Review private tutoring for SAT I and II, crazy right?? I know...but I guess it paid off since I got into my first choice school :o) Then again...that's an incredible amount of money where I think I still could have gotten a decent score without all that. But anyways, yes my parents have always been really strict on me especially in high school. But once I got into college, they let up a lot and they have been more lenient. Now it's more about trying my best because they understand how competitive college can be.
Anonymousi think that in general, my parents want me to do well in school and to get a good education, so that i could obtain a seure, steady career in th future. however they've never really had to nag me about the matter because i tend to do well in school because i wanted to. while i wanted to make my parents proud, i would say that mainly i did what i had to do in school for myself and not so much for them. my parents used to help me with homework and studying when i was younger to make sure that i had done what i had to. She would check them all to make sure that they were done correctly. but that all stopped around fourth or fifth grade. i remember when my mom would buy math and reading workbooks for me and my brother to do over the summer so that we would keep our mind thinking over the three month break. but yah.. maybe it was all these little things that she would do for us to keep us on track that increased our desire for academic success later in our teen years.
AnonymousMy parents are not so strict on me in general. Throughout highschool, they never really forced me to do anything. Most of my decisions are solely made by me. When I applied to colleges, they were really not involved in any aspect of it, except supported me in wherever I chose to go. They mentioned that they'd prefer me to go somewhere near, or at least in California, but I think that was about it. I really like the fact that they can fully trust me and my decisions, for at the very end of the day, I'm the one living out my choices. However, I know many friends whose academic decisions are still very much influenced by their parents. In some ways, I think that's something that might hinder a person from fully exploring their choices and see what fits them most in life. But that's just my two cents.
AnonymousEven though my parents never had the opportunity to further their education in the U.S., they still expected all of their children to attend and graduate from college. After my brother was accepted into graduated school, my parents raised their expection from getting a Bachelor's degree to at least a Masters. When I was younger my parents always emphasized on prominent and respected professions such as doctors, lawyers, pharmarists,etc., but when I got older, they gave me more room to explore and choose what i want to do. Overall, I think most Asian parents do stress academic success.