For some reason, the topic of filial piety comes into my mind when I think of the child's relationship to his/her parents.
Is it the child's duty to develop that relationship? Or the parents'?
It takes two to make a relationship, and it takes more than one to create a family. Insofar, I have yet to come across Confucian writings dictating the responsibility of the parents and the child. From the readings (which can be biased according to the skim amount I have read), it seems as though Confucious focused more on "duty" rather than seeing if a relationship exists in the first place.

To provide my own personal experience, I have to say that I am very close to both my parents in very different aspects. For one, I communicate to my mother in Mandarin, and my father in English. This is because: 1) My mother & I value our language very much 2) It facilitates the level of understanding between us by crossing that language barrier
My mother can be described as "my girl friend", she knows about all the boys I've dated, who I've had problems with, which classes I'm taking and what I'm involved in, and she also gives me advice as a former young lady/friend/mother/elder. I am a combination of both my parents, and they see themselves in me.
My father can be described as "my daddy", no other. He tells me how men think, act, and what they want. Coming from a former "bad boy" (e.g. LONG hair back in a very conservative Taiwan, hippie clothes, partying, hanging with an older crowd, etc....), he really knows how to look out for his #1 sweetheart *waves hand*. I resemble him TREMENDOUSLY that when I went back to Taiwan this past summer (read my post in "Travel to Asia"), his childhood friend went to the Loveboat Camp to visit me and FOUND ME within 2 minutes. How?? Because I walked the same way my dad walks: steadily, sternly, and almost too confidently to the point of arrogance. We are both softies at heart, and my friends know this all too well.

Overall, a relationship is based on committment, trust, love, respect, and an intense caring. Whether it is in a love relationship or friendship, the relationship with one's parents should be the closest and most spiritual. Hopefully we are recognizing this as we move along this year in this GE Cluster. I'm sure we have similar reasons as to WHY we chose to take this cluster above all others.

-Amy

For me, it’s not easy to just choose a side and say, "I'm closer to_______"

When I was 1 years old, my dad left China for the US. From that time until I was 5, I had little recollection of my dad. I just knew he existed because of the pictures, birthday cards, and occasional phone calls. When people asked me where he was, I simply stated, he's in San Francisco. For some reason, it did not feel weird not having a dad. This can probably be attributed to the fact that I had a lot of close relatives in China. Therefore, I was extremely close to my mother and grandparents.

I rejoined my father in the US at the age of 5. I still remember meeting him at the airport. I didn't recognize at him, but ran to him with open arms because my mother told me so. The whole process, not having him in my life and now having him in my life felt normal, as if this reunion was expected.

In elementary school, my mother worked as a waitress in a Chinese restaurant. She would leave before I woke up and would come back at 10p.m. For awhile, my father stayed at home. This was great for him because he was able to control my academic life. Being around him so much made me grow a lot closer to him. In high school, my father worked at home. Again, he's the one who made me practice SATs, sent me to courses, etc. Spending so much time with my father can be infectious. People say I talk like my father, smile like my father, sound like my father, eat like my father, etc...

Even today, my father is the one that calls me everyday and asks me about my school work. Even though I interact with my father a lot more nowadays, I still feel very connected to my mother. The years we spent without my father has forged this inseparatable bond.

BUT YES, I am very lucky to have two great parents.

Wow, there seems to be trend here, which applies to me also. My dad lived apart from me and my mom at various times when I was growing up. Then my parents divorced when I was 12 and he moved to Macao, so my mom has always been my number 1 support system. Of course he still calls and visits about 2 times a year, but I don't feel that we'll ever be as close as my mother and I are.

For me, growing up in a single parent household which consisted of just me and my mom, we've definitely formed a bond that can never be broken. I really don't know how she survived my teenage years (scary..) I know I can always count on her to give me good advice, take care of me, and chat about boys and friends. I still visit her all the time on campus, so we can grab lunch in between classes. Sometimes I regret not having someone there to play sports with me or give me the male perspective, but I've learned to be a stronger woman through my mom's example.

I've also found that I am closer to her side of the family because I've stayed with them many more times, but in recent years, when I visit my dad, I get to know his side as well.

I am closer to my mother and father in different ways. My dad was also a businessman, so he had to travel between England, India, Korea, China, and Taiwan to do work for Qualcomm. When I was little, he had to commute a lot so I hardly saw him. But for some reason, I was still very close to my dad. I would fax him drawings I made for him, and email him regularly once Internet came around. Once my dad came home after months of not seeing him, it was almost like he never left. My dad and I always had a really close father-daughter connection. With my mom, I was closer to her physically, but I fought with her a lot more as a result of that. I resented her at one point for being so strict on me, but I love her just as much as my dad now considering I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for her. Right now, both of my parents live in Taiwan and we still have the house in San Diego. It was easier on my dad for my mom to move there once I went to college (I'm the youngest) so therefore my mom had no obligations to stay at home. That way my dad doesn't have to fly back and for as much. I still talk to both of them about once a week, and I'm going there this summer for about 2 months. So...all in all, I'm close to both of my parents :o)

I'm closer to my mom. My mom was born in San Francisco and my dad was born in Hong Kong. Because my mom is a lot more Americanized, I think I can relate better to her than my dad. Also, I think that my dad can be a bit stricter and less willing to compromise with certain things -- like dating, going out at night, etc. I think my brother is also closer to my mom, despite the fact that he's a boy for similar reasons. Also, my mom spent more time taking care of us when we were kids because my dad seemed to always have work or housework to do.

I am pretty close to both my parents to the extent that I can tell them about certain problems and things like that. However, there's still some boundaries, and some things I feel they cannot truly understand or be able to relate. In general, though, I think I am a little closer to my dad than my mom. I think it has to do a lot with his involvement in my school life ( namley, signing parent permission slips, parent conference , etc). This enables us to talk more about my goals and other related things. Also, he helps me with things like teaching me how to drive, getting insurance for it, and what not. Of course this is not to say that I am closer to him because of these things that he did, but it's more of a matter of opportunities available to interact and share our thoughts. Even though many daughters feel like they can relate to their moms more, my situation is a little different. Since I have two older sisters, I tend to come to them with "girl" issues. So this takes away some of the opportunities for my mom and I to bond. Nonetheless, I have a relatively good relationship with both of my parents.

I am close to both my parents, and they know as much about my life as much as my boyfriend & my close friends.

My mother does this ONE trick that ALWAYS works whenever she wants me to spill the beans & let everything out. She knows good food & coffee are my weaknesses....... in addition to shopping; So what she would do (during high school & even now), was take me out to Nordstrom Cafe for lunch, order coffee for two, and make me feel relaxed to the point I just let everything fall out of my mouth. Sometimes I've said things that surprised her..... but I think being in such a comfortable environment softened the punch & we find solutions and possibilities from issues at hand.

My father too..... he brings back pastries & little cakes from Chinese bakeries and makes extra coffee for me. Then, I'd just talk talk and talk until I ate my fill of cakes and drank enough coffee to last me a week.

As a family, we enjoy the open communication & time spent together. However, I tend to feel a little guilty when I realize how much money they splurge on *coaxing* me to spill everything. When sharing this with them, they only smile & say, "Anytime spent with my sweetheart is good time spent!"

What a tactic.......... hopefully my own kids are suckers for food & shopping; that way I can do the same for them =)

-Ames