The impact of maternal migration in Philippino families

[Rob_Hugo@PortNW]

Was I the only one who was baffled at Prof. Rhacel Parrenas' apparent shock that the children of migrant mothers felt abandoned by their mothers?
To be fair, I understood her point that they were well cared for by their extended family, and therefore hardly abandoned.
However, I do believe that those children really did miss their mothers and the love that only a mother can give to her own child.
As a mother myself, I can say that the love that I feel toward my daughter is so strong and awesome, I do not think I could feel that same love for a child that was not my own.
It is obviously necessary for these mothers to leave their children, and this must truly be a painful desicion for any mother to make. Still, I do not think that the special link between mother and child should be taken so lightly.
Miriam

[Anonymous]

The shocking thing is that they don't feel abandoned by their fathers who do the exact same thing. I think that was what she was most surprised by.

I feel like I may be stoned for saying this, but if you know that you are going to have to leave your family to support it then why have one in the first place? You know what you're getting in to. Yes, I am sure there are societal and familial pressures to marry and propigate, but if it is going to be this giant upheaval where both you and your children feel distanced (in the first article the nanny says she feels like the kids she takes care of are hers and not her own while her own children ask why she even bothers coming home) then don't do it.

Let me go get me helmet.
DEAN

[Anonymous]

To Mariam F. (I hope I spelled your name right)
I agree with you that there is a strong bond between mother and child. I also think the same bond can be with adopted children.
I don't really think that this was the heart of the Professors point. Yes, the mothers love their children and so do the fathers. She was saying that the social roles and social differences between men and women in society have to do with the question of why children feel 'abondoned' by their mothers, but can understand why their fathers had to leave. Abondoned is a very negative felling. It emplies that the wom an is responsible for leaving, that it is not a question of the poverty that drove them out to support their family.
I love my son dearly and so did his dad. We both nutured him in different ways. I feel that his Dad would have missed something wonderful if he hadn't broken with the male tradition and learned to be nuturing.
Please read her article about the Mothers, the domestic workers.

Melody

[Anonymous]

Dean, I think there is truth to what you say regarding only having children if you can be there and provide for them. I think this is a luxury we have here in the US. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that in the Phillipino families, they are probably not thinking that far into the future, they probably marry very young because that is what they are supposed to do, and then they have kids, because that is what they are supposed to do (how available and common is birth control there, anyway?) and before they know it- there are mouths to feed and then they are forced to find a way to provide for them. It is probably the lower class and the uneducated who are faced with this problem (kind of rings true here in the US, as well).
Miriam

[Anonymous]

Dean,

You are right. If people(women and men) do things because society expects us to do it, then we relinquish our free will and agency.

I will get a helmet myself, too.

[Anonymous]

I also had the same ideas as Dean... I was thinking, "If you're going to leave your family, why do you have children in the first place?"

But then after listening to the lecture, I realized that I didn't know very much about Filipino migration and family life. I understand the family dynamics a little better, but I do feel that it is quite unfortunate that the families have a hard time maintaining good relations because parents are gone for so long. I was saddened by the fact that some mothers have to leave while their children are so young. I'm sure it's hard to be away from your kids as well. I'm sure a lot of the mothers care for the children in other countries as their own because they don't have the opportunity to care for their own children back in the Philippines. Does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

Geny,
It seems to me that there is a certain degree of martyrdom on the part of the Filipino mothers. They leave so that they can better provide for their children by sending money home from the United States and possibly provide a better life in the future by bringing them to live here.
I think the argument here is: "Is it better for a parent to be present in adverse conditions or absent in order to provide better financial conditions?" Also, does their absence in fact create a condition that is worse than option number one?
Am I making sense?
Kathleen

[Anonymous]

I was not that shocked to hear that children of these migrant mothers were feeling so abandoned by their moms. It reminded me of adopted children who very often have a longing to find their "real" mothers. They could have grown up in the most ideal environment but they still feel as if something is missing from their lives because it wasn't the biological parent. Mothers themselves are suffering from such guilt as well for having to leave their children even if it was for a better life. It would be a difficult decision for me to make, whether to leave and make more money, or to stay poor but with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Kathleen,
To answer your question...I think in their situation...it was better to leave to provide a better life for their children. I feel bad for the mothers and children but I also think it seems unfair the children feel abandoned by their mothers but not their fathers. I wish the government (Fillipino and other countries accepting migrant workers) would do something to help these migrant families reunite faster. It is disturbing to know how long it takes just to get permission to have the migrant children come to the US.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I think the presentation of transnational migrants focusing on the Philippines explained reasons for the adults to migrate into the US and that parallels could be drawn with family structure of transnational migrants from other countries, for example, Mexico. This presentation and the readings help me, as a teacher, understand some of the strains our students face with their families and home.

The presenter's attitude towards the children who said they felt abandoned by their migrant mothers was a combination of dissappointment and surprise. I think she said she was hoping to find at least one child who would report NOT feeling abandoned. In the chapter "The Care Crisis in the Philippines" of her book Global Woman, Parrenas writes that the media has popularized the idea that migrant mothers are one of the greatest causes of inadequate child care and, in turn, does not celebrate the amount of money the country receives in remittances from these workers (p 40-41). I think her work was, in part, a backlash at the media. She was hoping to find children who were well adjusted. Undoubtedly, such children were found, they were not "abandoned" in the classical sense, but they still reported feelings of abandonment. She found that the children suffered from their mother's absence even though they have not been abandoned in the way we would imagine a chilld abandonment case: the mother still kept in contact and sent money back to her families. Because of the contact and love the mothers and children shared, I think Parrenas was still surprised at the depth of the sadness and feeling of abandonment the children suffered. Wouldn't the care and love of a grandmother or aunt be close enough to comfort a child missing their mother? Probably, but the absence of a mother that still cares for you from afar is painful enough to cause feelings of sadness, resentment, and yes, abandonment.

I think Parrenas explained the abandonment in terns of romanticizing the mother figure and a perpetuation of the mother as a martyr. While migrating mothers are shifting resouces or money, care, and love in the world, many of their own children must adjust. I am interested in finding out if many of these children will insist on having families with mothers who live at home (working from the home, not living elsewhere and working). I can speak of missing my mother from childhood, and if I had a family, I would live at home (and commute to work), given the choice. So, is the avoidance of poverty or public school a good reason for maternal migration? The decision is up to the mother.

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