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Rob_Hugo@PortNWThis article hit home in terms of shedding light on some unnoticed blindspots. For one, I have often been told that "Chinese people do not say 'I love you'". What really caught my attention was the article's differentiation between men and women; men were more bold about this phrase, while women confided in their same-sex peers when using this phrase. I am wondering if you noticed this about your parents? Maybe with your own significant others (past or present)?
From experience, I tell my boyfriend "I love you" when I mean it, feel it, and just HAVE to say it. I'm not saying I don't love him as much other times (although sometimes....... (6) ), it's just that I am more traditional in terms of "showing" him how much I love him. I find it very funny how I follow a lot of traditional Chinese ways of affection: cook him 5 course meals complete with candlelight and champagne glasses, go shopping to buy him new clothes, and treat him to good food. Food has always been the Chinese people's way of showing that they care. My father once told me, "We don't say 'I love you' or 'I really like you'; oftentimes we ask 'Have you eaten? Are you hungry?". This goes back to those days where food was scarce and delicious dishes were a luxury.
This article caught my attention because the social changes were so rapid: think, about 50 years! We have completely changed in terms of relationship expectations and courtship behaviors in less than one person's lifetime. My own grandparents were "arranged marriages" and my great-grandparents, etc. The pace is stunning and I wonder what articles my future daughter/son will bring back to be 20 years from now.
AnonymousI almost forgot to mention my fascination with "courtship" rituals.
I'm sure we have noticed the colorful billboards, pop up advertisements, SPAM in our email, etc concerning online dating. Lava Life, American Singles, eHarmony, etc.... if you are interested, type "online dating services" in google & over 14 million sites will pop up in 0.28 seconds.
I have friends in graduate school who complain that there is a lack of social life and *fun* during their pursuit for their Masters. Now what they REALLY mean is "I have no dating life". To make it more obvious, I've had friends who begged me to "introduce them to pretty/nice/smart/interesting girls if I have the chance".
I shared this amusing tid-bit with my mother & she laughed, but told me this was no laughing matter (how ironic) and that such a dating-service has been long established even before my time.
Remember the Disney movie "Mulan" where the matchmaker held up pages and pages of women's descriptions and simple portraits? Apparently there are more modern advances of this "dating book service", because it used to be very common to purchase a book full of single men and women's descriptions, wants, and mailing addresses. Instead of emailing or IMing singles, people used to write letters via snail mail. Write back, write to, write back, SEND PICTURE, decide IF YOU WANT to continue in this pursuit. This sounds absolutely ludicrous to write letters to someone you've never met, but the "dating service book" was very popular and people have developed relationships through it.
Even to this day, people put Single ads in the newspaper that follow the same suit. I have heard of some instances where marriages have developed over this manner. For us younger people, we use "myspace.com" and "xanga.com" and "thefacebook.com" to find people with similar interests. Be serious now, why on earth would you put your 1) Relationship status 2) What gender you're interested in 3) What you are looking for 4) Personal description 5) PICTURE all on one page?? If you are familiar with thefacebook.com, you'd know that you can click on "interests" or anything that becomes underlined........ and Voila! You click to a page full of people with that certain trait in common with you.
I think this would have been an excellent research topic.
Anonymous*note: i'm about to be really superficial and rumor heavy in my writing
funny that we should bring up myspace, xanga, and facebook.
i'm sure that the following is generally accepted (and maybe even already implied), but just IN CASE there is that slight chance that ppl have never heard my version of these networks. i admit, perhaps i might even be wrong.
but anyways as far as i have discovered, most people don't use these agents for dating. but hey, what a spiffy way to find ppl with common interests (clicking on the links). but continuing, the worst cases were what we mentioned earlier this year, like where myspace listed body measurements, oh good god.. =X
but wait, let me refine what i said before. xanga and facebook are primarily not dating agents; most people, as far as i know, use xanga for blogging and facebook for friends. i personally valued facebook cause it would let me search for all my HS and middle school friend, and stuff. also, its fun to see wut people have as their interests; most people didn't know i liked indy.
wow i sound like i'm advertising. ah heck with it, here's the link enjoy
thefacebook.com
so what about myspace. haha, this is the fun part, when i get to butcher myspace. myspace IS known for dating; but hey, maybe this is just rumor, maybe a lot of people use myspace for blog reasons. i mean, while i'm being superficial in my writing, heres more rumors:
1. if you use xanga, you're azn. my friend actually stopped using xanga because she hated being associated as such... ironically she recently started posting again saying she was sick of myspace (shh)
2. myspace means you're 'white'. this ties into the older lectures on what it means to be white washed. ironically more asians do use xanga while caucasians use myspace, but i'm sure this is just a generalization. you can't take the stereotype and take it for fact... besides, we could go into a whole argument on what being 'white' means =]
ok i'm done
AnonymousThe next reading on the wedding reception, ironically, ties into the past reading a lot. like a lot a lot.
the 'laughable' circumstances in which dating was discussed, and how far people were willing to go sent us all into limbo i'm sure. but when you read about the weddings, you'll realize there's more ...
and i quote" in some wedding halls the bridge and groom, after changing constumes, would be lowered into the reception room in a gondola, or descend a Scarlett o hara type staircase". this audiovisual show wasn't just for the upper upper class...
a lot of upper middle class ppl got swept into the 'wedding craze'. weddings became a competitive spectacle, everyone tried to maximize their presentation. this would explain some things obviously...
eventually modern wedding halls developed, allowing a single hall to handle several weddings one after another (one the same day). this condensation ended up with the elimination of the tedious traditional ceremonies; starting from the early 1970s, we got cake cutting, candle lighting, and presentation of bouquets (these must be some of the the rites of union or passage that we were discussing in class the other day)..
and here's one thing to close.. apparently something the japanese 'jacked' from the west was the symbol of fire for love. that seems to make sense. passionate loves burn brightly, and feel fiery...ness. but is it just me that finds something a little wrong with this usage...
and here's the emo moment:
fires burn brightly, but the harder the fire burns, most likely the fuel gets eroded quickly. fire in general, eats up wutever fuel its consuming. it burns messily most of the time; in nature fires are messy and burn up thick black smoke (the firewood you buy has these impurities removed). a bright flame is awesome, but burns quickly. its funny to use fire as an illusion for love... since fires always go out ...
alrite alrite, i kno wut u guys are thinking. didn't we just have a california forest fire where like, the whole fricken rainforest (yea i know there's no rainforest in cali..., but just for illusions sake) burnt up and just kept on burning. nothing could stop it. firefighters were at its mercy and it burnt up everything, and just wouldnt' stop.... aite, i lose.