Vietnam Trip

[Anonymous]

July 10.doc

Paper Weddings

I get up in the morning and catch up with my journal. The following is a summary of various topics that Thang and I have spoken about during the bus trip the day before.

Thang visited here four years ago. He had just finished Junior College He went to Junior College near his home for three years and then transferred to UCLA for three years. He studied for two years and worked in Los Angeles and studied in the final year for a total of three years. After that he returned to his home and worked for one year.

Visit 1--2 years UCLA--1 year UCLA + Los Angeles job--1 year new job--Visit 2

Thang feels that if he keeps to the pattern of visiting every four years it might be sad when he returns. Now he is enjoying the friendship with the cousins that are his age. In a very short time these same cousins will be grown up and move away or get married. They will not be in town or they will not have as much time to hang out with him as they do now. There are few jobs in Go Dau and a young person starting out in life cannot stay there and make any significant progress in his or her career. Ambitious youth are forced out.

One of the hot topics of discussion about me is the relationship between my age and the fact that I am not married. I gather that the norm expected of Vietnamese men of my age is that they be married. Therefore, there is talk of me getting married. It is the timing and the arrangement of the supposed marriage that is very strange and unexpected to me. I gather that romance and courtship would have little place in the deal. I would be introduced to or see someone, and the marriage would take place within the sojourn of my vacation in Vietnam, or within less than one month. Also, the new wife would remain in Vietnam when I return to the United States; she would be my on the spot Vietnamese wife, or something like Madame Butterfly or Miss Saigon. This is not quite my idea of a marriage. I really must qualify this observation by saying that it is only my impression. I cannot understand most of what people are saying on this topic because most of what they say is in Vietnamese.

It reminds me of some years back when I visited an anthropologist friend of mine, Bill, who was spending one year living in a small village in Central Thailand in order to study Thai Buddhist initiation ceremonies. During one of our trips into a larger town we stopped by to visit the head of the largest bank in town, a woman. I remember her vividly because at the time I was quite ill. She pulled a handful of antibiotics out of her purse and told me to take them. I did and the by the next evening I felt much better. After speaking with her in the bank she invited us to her home for an afternoon tea. When we arrived she unexpectently found her husband at home with his young mistress. The mistress fled and a noisy row issued between husband and wife. The tea never materialized. On our way back to Bill's village he described his opinion of the male Thai?s attitude toward women. Whether a woman is a man's wife, mistress, or one-night stand, Thai men feel that all women are prostitutes to some degree or other. (At the time I did not ask Bill his views on how Thai men feel about their mothers, grandmothers, or sisters.) Bill's views surprised me at the time, and they continue to surprise me.

Continuing with Thang's comments, he says that for a Vietnamese to leave with a working visa for the US the cost is very high, about $20,000 or $30,000 paid to the Vietnamese government. The government has determined that this amount of money has been spent on a person?s personal needs and on his or her education in order to bring them to a level of proficiency so that they could even obtain a working visa and hold down a job in the US. This cost can be avoided if someone like himself, a Vietnamese-American with US citizenship living in the U.S, or in fact, anyone else with US citizenship, marries a native Vietnamese. Then the Vietnamese government receives no money. This loophole has fostered an, in my opinion, immoral industry, trafficking in "paper weddings". Weddings are arranged, not for marriage, but for profit. $30,000 goes not to the Vietnamese government but to the US citizen who gets someone out of Vietnam and into the US. Although Thang does not say it, I think that even if the US citizen did not collect a payment in this transaction and even if marriage were authentic it would impose a huge implied obligation on his or her Vietnamese partner or family. Could this become a significant factor in their ongoing relationship?

I am reminded of an event when I was studying in Poland. An American Fulbright scholar fell in love with a well-known Polish Poster artist. They were married in Poland, but his government would not allow him to leave until she paid quite a sum of money for his release. In this case the newlyweds had very little money. As I remember all this caused the couple many months of anxiety and delay. But finally the Polish government gave in and let love have its way.

We are supposed to travel by car to the beach in the morning, but then we learn later in the morning that there is a complication in getting the car and we will go in the afternoon. Thang says that he doesn?t care if he goes to the beach or not. The water is dirty, even dirtier than Santa Monica; there are always crowds of Vietnamese tourists at the beach, even on weekdays. In other words, it is far from a pristine white sand beach that I have been reading about in my Rough Guide. I get less enthusiastic about the event after this less than glowing description, but a beach is a beach and as the morning stretches on we don't do anything very exciting. So, I would still like to go.

We finish an interesting lunch of squid and other things and just as we settle down after lunch a surprise announcement is made that the car is ready. Me, Thang, Manh, Hang, uncle Cuog(8), and two little girls 10 years old, cousins from the mother?s side of the family, head for the beach by car. This is my first car ride in Vietnam. The lower perspective of the landscape is more familiar, and I see things more from the angle I expect. We drive south on highway 1 to the town of Thanh Hoa, which is about 1 hour south of where I am staying. Then we turn a short distance East to Sam Son on the beach (see page 345 of the Rough Guide for a description of the town).

We get to Sam Son and it is a very Vietnamese beach. I see no other foreigners in the vast crowd of people. (I guess foreigners are at the empty, pristine white sand beaches.) We cruse the crowded town for a parking place and return to a parking place near the T intersection where we started. Once parked I learn the routine is to take nothing with you. I shed my T-shirt and hope that my sunscreen and the late afternoon hour will protect me from burn. Getting to the beach is a marathon of getting through all the sales people offering dried fish, green coconuts, umbrellas, inter tubes, and photographs. Two relentless lady photographers follow us out to the beach. During all this confusion I feel like a great, white, fat, giant squid ambling awkwardly and self-consciously toward the water. My walking route through dirty, muddy, rocky, trash fill ground does not bode well for this trip. Maybe Thang was right.

But we make it to the water and, surprise, there is brown but decent sand, and waves strong enough for body surfing in churned up sandy water. I?m ready to surf. But wait. We stop for two photo opportunities, and then into the water.

It?s really crowded for surfing and when I catch a good wave I usually plow into a few bodies on my way in. I guess Vietnamese don?t have the technique, because some of them seem impressed with the distance I achieve in my rides. Maybe they are amazed that one so old can move at all. The current pulls me north along the beach and I lose contact with my family. I go back to find them, which is hard to do with all the people. Finally they find me.

Thang is playing with the two little girls and we take them for a piggyback ride out into the waves. My girl falls off some how, even with all the care that I am taking, and becomes terrorized. The ugly American strikes again. I go back to surfing. All goes splendidly until a boy sharing an inter tube with too many of his friends falls off and bumps the side of his face into the back of my head. It doesn?t harm me, but I can feel that the connection was strong. He?s holding his face, which is quite red, but still he smiles so everything gets back to normal. I make apologetic gestures and surf on.

Walking back down the beach after another northerly drift I connect up with our group and Thang says that it?s time to go. I suggest a little water wrestling and we go at it. My stamina is much improved and I last much longer. I guess the rest is doing me some good. I'm encouraged. Improvement is possible.

We head to the car. I completely loose the group on the way and just continue to where the car is parked on my own. I notice a wash area on the way and rinse off my feet. The rest of my party arrives. The uncle Cuong looks concerned that I went ahead on my own. Near the car is another larger area for washing and we pour many buckets of cold fresh water over ourselves. It feels great after the warm, salty, sandy water.

It?s late and on the drive back home it begins to get dark. At home we have dinner. It's dog meat tonight. One dish is little slices, one is coagulated blood stew, and the other is crunchy, bony small pieces. The idea is to start with a large green leaf, then a piece of vegetable, add some smaller leaves, add the meat, and finally add a small piece of star fruit. Then you put the whole concoction into your mouth, chew and enjoy all the various flavors. The complex taste that emerges over time is quite special.

Dinner also includes squid. During dinner Manh once again shows me his quiet concern for my needs. When I look for and fail to find a piece of star fruit to top off my dog roll, he offers a piece to me from far across the table. Unobtrusively he had been watching me and anticipated my needs. Wow! During the meal I realize that my attention has been completely occupied with the problems of assembling bits and pieces of food, putting them into a leaf, rolling the leaf up, and shoving it into my mouth. I had not taken the time to notice Manh?s problems or the problems of anyone else for that matter.

After dinner we go visit the mother of uncle Cuong's wife who I have been told is in ?the village?. From the description I get the impression that it is located at some distance. We drive by car a bit South on highway 1 and then West down a dirt road. Actually, we could have walked there. The grandmother is in her 80's and always has someone staying with her at night. Hang will stay with her for a second night. The room arrangement is dominated by an ancestral altar, a table at about my shoulder height. There are pictures of dead ancestors and various objects on the table. Two beds are on either side and two large wooden chairs are in front of the altar. She sits in one chair on the left and I sit in the other. The rest of the guests sit in small plastic chairs, on stools, or stand.

The family talks and most are seemingly unaware of me. Finally we get up to go and on my departure the grandmother grabs my hand and lets loose with a string of loud Vietnamese. I have no idea what she is saying and Thang does not translate. We return by motorcycle, the car has been returned. We go out for an Internet run. One after another we visit full to over flowing Internet shops. It is clear that the Internet is the chief entertainment for the young people of this small town (and, I get the impression, many other towns in Asia). We search until we finally find one with empty seats. The connection is good, but LAUSD fails to connect to my terminal. After the Internet it's time for bed.

Questions:

Do you think Thang will find Go Dau the same or different when he returns in four years?
Do you think it is alright for me to get a temporary wife in Vietnam?
What do you think of the idea of a "paper wedding".

[Anonymous]

July 11.doc

A Symphonic Meal

We catch the bus back to Go Dau at about 6 am after eating a bowl of noodles, but no shower. A Shower would be inconvenient because it is located in the food preparation area. Hang will remain hehind at home and continue from there on to school.

Thang compares riding the bus to participating in a video game of avoidance, but its real. The horn plays a large role as to who gets the right of way. It is still over cast and cool so that our ride, while long, is not overly hot and stuffy.

We return at noon, shower up and eat. The meal is memorable. It is at the uncle Tuan(11) and his wife's place. They both have just catered a wedding reception for 200 people. Thang says that she does very well catering for up to 15 large receptions per month. I think that anyone who has his or her reception catered by uncle Tuan and his wife are lucky. The taste of each dish is quite distinctive. It?s like eating a symphony of tastes and mixing together to create a beautiful melody.

Thang tells me how he handled weight loss when he was on his high school wrestling team. He ate a big breakfast, a good lunch, ran 3 miles, joined wrestling practice in the afternoon, ate a light dinner, and ran 3 miles before bed. Sensible loss would be 4 pounds per month to get to 6 x 4 = 25 pounds in six months. When he was wrestling he use to have to drop his weight from 120 to 115 pounds before matches which is a large percentage of his total body weight, significantly more that wrestlers in other weight categories. Wrong ways of loosing weight cause high school wrestlers to "pop" or gain excessive weight after they graduate and stop wrestling. He says his yoyo dieting has caused some long-term harm to his digestive system and makes his stomach sensitive.

I asked him why he did not continue wrestling in college. He wrestled only three years out of four in high school and achieved exceptional results in that period by qualifying for the California State competitions. He said that it was one of the mistakes that he made in his life. In high school he received lots of glory and got use to it. He got written up weekly in the newspaper. In Junior College, on the other hand, he received little support or public recognition. Also, he was putting himself through school. He had to earn money. He lost interest in competition and started coaching wrestling.

Giang comes to Thang's room and we work on English and Vietnamese. I am very tired after the long trip and it's hard to concentrate.

Questions:

Do some meals taste better than others?
Does this depend more of the ingredients or on the person who cooks the meal?
If you are participating in one sport what things do you have to think about in order to perform well?

[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 9:34:25 PM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

July 12.doc

Late for Dinner

Swimming is supposed to happen this morning. The phone starts ringing at 5:10 am; a long series of rings followed up by a long tune. Someone keeps calling every 10 minutes. The tunes change for three more phone calls and then someone adjusts the phone so that you do not get a tune following the rings. At 6 am I go down and tell Thang I think his cousins are calling. It is clear that he is not getting up.

I borrow a bicycle and start to explore. I am determined to find all the places that I have been driven to by motorcycle. I find the gym easily, but it's much harder to find the uncles who live near by. After much trial and error I find the home of each uncle, one by one. I find aunt Van's(1) jewelry store last. I strike up a conversation with her husband Minh and find out he is Chinese and speaks Chinese. He writes his name, Zhi ha, in Chinese characters for me. I can remember bits of my one-year of Chinese study at U.C.L.A. The very little bit pleases him. I pedal all morning and return by 11 am. Lunch is at Giang?s and we have a "healthy" greens and egg dish, shrimp, another type of greens, fish and rice. It is all very good. I am beginning to appreciate all the different flavors that I failed to grasp in the beginning of my stay. My taste for Vietnamese food is developing.

Two new girls are at lunch who are close friends of Giang and her family. One is 22 years old and the other is 20. The 20 year old speaks French and is in the second year of a four-year course. She would like to be a full time French professor and a part time news reporter. She expects to earn 5,000,000 D a month. Her French is quite good. I can easily understand what she says.

After lunch I take a shower at home and follow Thang back to Giang's where the two girls are taking a nap. They get up and Thang lies down and starts getting very affectionate with Giang. I'm beginning to wonder how he gets away with it. On the one hand it's a way for the girls to joke around in a nonthreatening, maybe non-sexual, way with a man. Hit him touch him, massage him play fight, and in that way get ready for a normal relationship with their future lover or husband. The 22-year-old girl leaves and the 20-year-old girl stays to read at the desk. Thang and Giang talk and kid around in bed. I head home to read and study Vietnamese.

Thang comes by to organize the troupes to go weight lifting. There are too many for two few scooters. Transport and people are adjusted and everyone gets to the gym in the end. This afternoon turns out to be a good experience weight lifting for me. We get done and I feel rather exhausted, but in a good way. I come back with Giang's younger bother, Thien, but he forgets to tell me to shower right away. In fact we are running late for dinner, but I am unaware of this. Since I do not know and I am thirsty, I go to Giang's house for water and company. Thang comes rushing over and informs me that we are already late by 15 minutes, which becomes 25 minutes after I quickly shower and change.

We arrive at aunt Vans(1) house and Thang learns from her husband that she is angry because we are so late. Dinner comes out immediately. It is some kind of turtle with pickled cabbage (there is an unusual taste in the pickled cabbage). It's a great meal. After eating it's home and I go to Giang's to read and study early because she and Thang are going out for a scooter ride somewhere. When it comes time to go Giang's mother decides that the entire group should go on a long walk and off we go at a quick pace. After the walk we go home and it is decided that we will really go swimming tomorrow morning because people outside the Doan family are going. Thang is referring to the 20 and 22 year old girlfriends of Giang.

It's hard to sleep because an alarm keeps going off in the night Maybe it's coming from one of the uncle's rooms.

Questions:

Have you ever disliked some kind of food and later learned to like it?
Has anyone ever been angry with you for coming late to dinner?
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 9:43:47 PM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

July 13.doc

Finally We Swim

We really do get up early and head for swimming before 6 am and arrive at the pool at 6. It is a small party, Thang, Giang, the 20 and 22-year-old girls, Manh, and his two friends. Manh has not been around for two days. He has not been sleeping in Thang's room at night and he has not been at meals. Evidently he has been spending all his time with his two friends. The pool is almost empty and it's easy to swim laps. Thang is really good about keeping everyone entertained. He roams from one cousin to another. I try to help Ja mai and Giang to breath while swimming. Thang is also helping Giang to learn swimming. He also makes sure that Giang's two friends are entertained. In the middle of our swim Thang organizes a contest to see who can swim the furthest under water. And at the end of the swim Thang develops a new strenuous sport where we all line up at the deep end of the pool and jump in and out of the water as fast as we can. The sides of the pool are tiled and very slippery. It is very difficult to grab hold and get out of the pool.

Thang said he joined the swim team in high school just to learn to swim and they made him do the 500-meter race. I guess he didn't do well at swimming from the way he says this. This is confirmed much later in a conversation we have in the US. It seems there was a girl on the swim team, not a particularly bright star, who could swim faster than Thang even if he wore fins.

At 8:30 we return home. I borrow the bike and make the rounds of all the uncles. I am quite proud of myself for being able to find each address without much trouble. I return at 10:30 to study with Giang. We study until lunch and eat at the aunt's house next to Giang's. Fish and greens and roast pork. Delicious! I am really enjoying this variety of good food.

I return home to shower and study. Afternoon includes a nape and Vietnamese study. In the late afternoon our group heads for the gym with badminton included as a new activity. It's a light work out day and I?m amazed about how much I sweat playing a little badminton. It's the high humidity that must cause this. Dinner includes dog and other things. I return home to study.

Questions:

If you are the leader of the group how do you keep everyone together?
If you follow a leader what do you expect him or her to do?
How does Thang keep everyone together at the swimming pool?

[Anonymous]

July 14.doc

Terms of Address

No swimming today. I take the bike on a short trip to visit the family while all sleep. I work with Giang on Vietnamese personal pronouns and finally understand something (for the time being). Within the family you call someone not based on your age vs. theirs, but on the age of your father vs. his or her father. So, since Thang's father is the number two son in the family, Thang ranks above all his family members whose relationship to their parent is below his parent. Thang?s only older relationships are his aunt Van(1). Giang's father is younger than Thang's father. Therefore Giang calls Thang "ahn" and Thang calls Giang "chau" even if they are about the same age, 25 and 22 respectfully. Now, if someone is outside of your family, then you address them by age similarly or difference, one on one.

And further, within the family you can introduce someone on behalf of your child. That means you include your relationship and that of the child in your greeting. I speculate that this helps to cement the family relationships even closer by implying that you have a special relationship to not only a relative, but also to his or her child.

Thang says that within a family it would be impossible, insulting even, just like using an explicative, for a younger status person to say a lower status relationship signifier to a higher status person. He cannot imagine it ever happening. On the other hand, he can call his very young relatives just about anything and get away with it.

That afternoon I have a terrible Gym workout. I never seem to be able to get started. I'm too distracted for some reason. It seems that before I even get started it's time to go.

After dinner an unusually large number of cousins has gathered to spend the night in Thang's room. I am summarily dismissed because it is decided that they will turn out the lights and tell ghost stories.

Questions:
What are some of the terms of address you can use within your family?
What terms can you never use with family members?

[Anonymous]

July 15.doc

The Concert

No swimming again today, but I take the bike out to find the swimming pool. At the main street I turn in wrong direction and get lost several times. Finally, by asking people by using swimming motions, I actually find the place. Later, I realize that the accomplishment of finding the poor our group visits is a small miracle because there are many public swimming pools in town.

Passing the pool I continue down the narrow road to a wide main road and turn right. This road leads over a railroad bridge with narrow, one way, and one-lane motorcycle or bicycle paths on either side of the track. The bridge bike path is made up of uneven wooden planks, which make it difficult to navigate. After the bridge I keep pedaling through rice paddies. Along right side of the road are several clearings where workers make bricks for building houses. There are some elaborate grave markers in some of the rice paddies.

After about four or five miles I arrive in a village. I turn around and begin heading home. I'm, about to leave the village when I notice vendors selling food. A snack would be quite nice at this point. I stop and have black bean and other strange stuff in a glass. The lady wants to know what county I come from and where I am going. She doesn't ask me my age and height. I have actually learned enough Vietnamese by this point to make it through her interrogation.

I return to town and visit a few uncles. They don't rally know what to do with me because I cannot communicate in Vietnamese with them. But I really try to look cheerful and interested. Only uncle Minh seems to enjoy carrying on a lengthy conversation with me. It doesn?t to matter that I understand little of what he is saying. We sit around drinking green tea and make a lot of noise at each other. I enjoy it and I think he does too.

That afternoon I try to study with Giang, but I can tell that it?s not going to happen. She does help me buy my air ticket to Saigon, which costs 1,000,000 Dong or a little less than $100. I will take the evening flight on the 21st at 8 pm and get in at 10 pm, a bit late. I will miss the view of the countryside from the air. Also, I will have to wait in the airport for 4 or 5 hours after Thang departs to catch my flight. He will depart in the afternoon around four. I could have chosen an earlier departure, but I do not want to miss the departure of Thang. He assures me that the final lunch will be grand. I am sure that it will be. A 24 seat mini bus will be rented to get everyone to the Hanoi airport and back. It will be a production the likes of which I have never experienced.

In the evening we have a huge meal at uncle Hoan's(13) house, the youngest uncle. All the other two uncles in that neighborhood gather at the hairdresser shop. It?s a great meal with fish wrapped in aluminum foil, duck, and greens. Great food.

During dinner Thang's uncle (the husband of aunt Nga(3)) invites me to accompany him to a concert of a young girl of 9 who has an unusually fine voice. Thang is not going, but I accept the offer. Manh takes me home by scooter and we wait around for quite some time. The uncle is not around.

Finally, the uncle shows up with more tickets so that four of us can go (plus the two small girls who do not need tickets.) The concert is just around the corner form our house. It's a large outdoor amphitheater and its full with 2-3 thousand in the audience. The production has already started and our seats are taken. We awkwardly clear a place where other people are seating. Our seats must be expensive because they are quite close to stage center.

When we arrive a clown is doing an interlude with children from the audience. Winners get prizes. Next the soloist comes out with her father and they sing a duet. The audience is very short on applause and this remains true for the entire show. The little girl sings quite a large number of solos. Each solo is staged in a different costume with a different partner (the partners revolve). Her younger brother also has a solo.

A troupe of lion dancers brings in latticework like set, which they placed across the front of the stage. At first it is difficult to figure out its use. But soon two men in a lion suit appear and it becomes clear that the set is a raised pathway of small, precarious steps. The coordination of the two men is phenomenal. Part of the act is for the lion to act afraid to proceed across the raised path and almost fall off at certain points. When this happens (about thee times) assistants hold up a decorated box into which the lion pokes his foot. The box then explodes with a bang and a shower of confetti. The lion?s walk is accompanied by fast rhythmic Chinese drumming. Later in the program a second two man lion joins the first. The two lions balance on a ball and a teeterboard.

All the above serves as an interlude between the soloist's songs. She goes on singing karaoke style until the finale where she is joined by the entire cast. All the boys join together in an elaborate dragon dance. There are lighting effects; I note that light through fog is preferred.

The soloist?s English is quite good. The day before it was noted that a foreigner was seen walking on the street. Day after day I see no foreigners in town so this is quite unusual. It turns out that he is her English tutor. She also sings in Chinese. I wonder if she has a Chinese tutor as well?

With all the people present it gets quite warm and close even if it is in the open. All my concert companions note that I have been nodding off during the concert. Yes, when the amplification gets loud enough to shatter and distort the sound coming into my ears (In one number the sound was painfully cranked up), and when it gets hot and humid, I tend to take a vacation, in other words, take a nap.

Thang is waiting when we return. We go for a long walk with Gian's mother. This is becoming a habit, a really nice one. Giang very kindly and patiently helps me to memorize relationship names (Father, Mother, sister brother uncles older and younger, aunts older and younger).

At home there is really quite a crowd in Thang's room. Next we adjourn to uncle Hao's(6) house down the street for TV shows, company and karaoke. All of us end up back at Thang's. The room is full to overflowing. I read for a bit and play guitar. Finally, I leave because I am getting tired. I guess they may stay up until 2 or 3 am talking.

Questions:

Are any of your friends good at the performing arts?
Why are some people good at it, even at an early age and some are not?

[Anonymous]

July 16.doc

Moving the Dresser Upstairs

I get up at 6:15 and look in at Thang's room to see if anyone wants to go swimming. Manh is out in the entry room asleep on the floor. I looks like he's been kicked out. It turns out the room is too cold for him with the air conditioner turned on. I get to the swimming pool at 6:20 and swim for about an hour. There are about 10 other swimmers there so laps are easy to complete.

I get back and everyone is going for breakfast to the eggs and French bread place around the corner. Back from that and Thang and I take Giang to the railroad station to go for her test in Hanoi.

Vietnamese have the following tests as they progress through their academic careers: entrance to middle school (grades 6-9), entrance to high school (grades 10-12), entrance to college, and selection for a job. Each of the first three tests determine the quality of the institution one attends. For example, high-test scores get you into a highly ranked Middle School.

Lunch is at the upstairs uncle Tuan's(11) place. They have prepared yet another great meal. After lunch I have a nap and study Vietnamese. At 3 pm we go to look for shoes. I get confused because we go to the uncle Huan's(13) and wait around. He is placing permanent make up (tattoos) on a lady customer's eyebrows. Thang's sister in the US has a license to do it. I wonder if the uncle has a Vietnamese license. After a while it's clear that the uncle cannot leave work to look at shoes. Finally, it's made clear to me how the uncle is involved. It seems that a friend of the uncle makes supposedly terrific shoes that Thang may buy. So the uncle had told Thang to come by when he has time to go to see the friend. So Thang counters that he will come tomorrow at 11:23 am. Thang's uncle gives him a strange look. A few day later Thang does look at the shoes. He really does not like them, but he buys them anyway because he feels an obligation to his uncle.

We head home and just hang out. Thang mentions one thing he dislikes about Vietnamese culture. It is the blunt way they talk about people. If someone is fat they just say so. Was someone talking about me? (I really doubt it.)

We have dinner with uncle Tu(12) and hang out some more until we head for an Internet shop. At the shop after I check my mail there is not much for me to do. Thang is trying to get guitar tabs for Giang's brother, Thien. I head back home to write. A little later I get a call to go the Giang's house. When I arrive I see Thang and about five others trying to move a huge heavy dresser up the narrow winding stairwell to the top floor room. I join in the struggle. Dust and dirt is falling off the dresser onto us and it becomes very hot work. We succeed in the end. I go back and get a much-needed shower at home and then return for a reward of ice cream and frozen yogurt. We all watch television. The event is the Taiwan World 9-Ball Pool Contest. I cannot believe that I am watching such boring television. I cannot believe that such a sport, if you can call it that, exists. It's even worse that watching golf. After that we return home and I play guitar in Thang's room and plan for swimming tomorrow.

Questions:

Who has more tests during their school days, Vietnamese or Americans?
Do you think that you would ever get a tattoo?
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 10:17:38 PM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

July 17.doc

The Hair Wash

We actually do get up for swimming. It's Saturday and there are significantly more people at the pool. After swimming we all have breakfast and then go to uncle Hoan's(13) to have a hair wash. Actually, we make a detour to the central market and visit uncle Hien(5) at his clock shop to ask about glasses for me. He has a friend who sells them. At uncle Hoan's he is curling eyelashes for a customer. His complete line of work is curling eye lashes, applying permanent eye brows, applying semi-permanent lip stick (It lasts about two years), hair curling and hair straitening. In other words he supplies much of the agony women go through to look beautiful. And they pay him for it!

Tran Anh is ready to wash our hair and Thang asks me if I want to go first. I am really sleepy and decide to rest a bit in the uncle's top floor room while Thang gets his hair washed. They come up and find me asleep and don't wake me so I miss my morning hair wash. My error for being a nice guy and letting Thang go first. I should be more assertive and just insisted on going first. After all they asked me if I wanted to go first and like a fool I agreed to wait. On the other hand, for some reason I was really sleepy at that point. I don't know why I was so sleepy.

After lunch Thang asks me if I want to go to his uncle's house. He doesn't mention which uncle, but I say fine. It's back to the uncle Hoan's and Thang's hair cut. The hair cut lasts more than two hours; it seems interminable. It's time enough to cut each hair on his head individually. I begin to wonder what is going on. How could a haircut possibly take this long? While the haircut is going on I go out walking in various directions from the shop. I go out and check back about 6 times, but each time I return the hair cutting is still going on. Walking at this time of day turns out to be a big mistake. I get totally baked by the early afternoon heat and humidity. Finally, when I'm truly burning in mind and body, Tran Anh arrives to wash my hair. At first I stubbornly say "no", then I think it over quickly, clam down, reverse my decision, and say "yes". I realize that I have made the right choice because it would be small of me to deny her the job when she came all the way over in the heat to do it. The hair wash cools me down and makes me feel really good. After the hair wash there is not time for the gym and we go directly to a huge meal with all the uncles present at home.

Returning to the question of Thang's hair cut, earlier Thang said that if he were a multi millionaire he would fly back every week to have his hair cut by is uncle, because his uncle can cut his hair better than anyone else in the world. I listened to this with some interest and just assumed that Thang preferred to have his hair cut often and by his uncle. I knew that Thang is a bit of a perfectionist about his looks and let it go at that. What I did not know is that Thang's hair is definitely a problem. It is so thick that it doesn't fall over like most people. It just keeps growing strait out from his head. Since his hair, like most peoples, grows unevenly, it begins to look strange if it is not cut every week. This became apparent when he came to Los Angeles the weekend of August 23rd. Someone (his sister?) had cut his hair really short above his ears but the rest of his hair was really long. It all looked out of balance. Thang said that for a while when he was wrestling in high school he shaved off all his hair. This hair cut by his uncle on August 17th was the last one he would have before his return to the U.S. When the uncle had finished the hair cut looked really good.

I find out that Thang's house on 46 Ngo Quyen Street was build three years ago for $20,000 paid for by Thang?s father, Hung(2). When Thang visited four years ago a one-story house stood on that location. Thang stayed with Giang's family because there was no room in the one-story building. In the 20's when the uncles had new families there were more than twenty people living in this small building.

Thang wonders what Hai Doung will look like years form now. The community has already undergone considerable expansion since he visited four years ago and there is no reason for that expansion to slow down. The tree-lined streets are narrow and remind me of European towns. But they are presently jammed with bicycles and motorcycles. What if the economy improves and people start driving cars through the narrow streets? I suggest that expansion might force a shift in the commercial center of town. Thang says that most Vietnamese would rather venture no more than two to three kilometers from their home so he thinks that neighborhoods in the future will look the same. The Vietnamese will tend to build new, small neighborhoods and not consolidate the many small businesses into a large urban unit.

Questions:

It is said that you should "let a sleeping dog alone." Is this true for humans?
Is it all right if someone wakes you up, or do you prefer to be left sleeping?
What changes have occurred in your neighborhood? Are there any new buildings?

[Anonymous]

July 19.doc

The Aunt From Germany

Monday is the day we will meet the aunt Oanh(10)who has been working in Germany. She has been away for seven years so Thang has not met her. She has been divorced twice (later I find out it's three times). She left the first husband; the second one left her for a younger wife.

We go, against the aunts Vin's(1) orders, swimming at 5:30 so we can finish by 6:30 and catch the bus by 7:30. The twin uncles(5,6) arrange the transport, a 24-seat bus that costs about $40. We do get back home on time form the swimming pool. Breakfast is offered. Thang begs off eating and so do I, I'm not particularly hungry. The bus loads up and we are away.

At the airport the family plans to play a little joke on the aunt upon her arrival. Thang has never met his aunt and she has never met him. The plan is for Thang to grab her as she exits the baggage pickup and customs and give her a familiar hug and then tell her that he is her nephew. We wait and wait. The whole family is involved in the set up. They all watch to see from which door she will exit. All the other arrivals have been exiting from the right hand door. But when it comes to her turn she exits from the left door, but then, does not go strait ahead into the waiting crowd. She turns right and crosses to the right and then forward into the crowd. Thang all the time is trying to out maneuver her. Finally, grabs her and gives her a hug. She is quite surprised and not particularly delighted. She doesn?t get, or go along with the joke. Actually, she looks a bit bossy and cold. The reception did not go well.

I think that humor is sometimes an excellent window into a culture. In this same situation what would the reception have looked like had it gone extremely well? In the first place the aunt could see all her relatives standing just outside in the crowd waiting for her. She even waved at some of them through the large windows in the barrier. Next she should have noticed where all the other arrivals were making their exit and left by the right hand, not the left hand, door. Next, when this strange young man came up to give her a hug she should have appeared quite surprised and delighted, returned his hug, stopped to talk with him, find out who he was, and then laugh with him about the joke. Finally, it would have been the perfect entrance for her to laugh about all this with all the rest of her relatives. After all, with an armed Vietnamese policeman present and a gaggle of relatives looking on she should have known that she was not in danger. If anything out of the ordinary occurred it must be part of a joke set up by her family.

To carry this scene off well the aunt would have had to have had a tremendous amount of social savvy, and self-control. She would have had to think quickly on her feet, assume that her family would plan a little farce and posses an unusual good sense of humor to accept it, even in a moment of extreme stress and confusion. In short, she would had to have had lots of a playful quality that I have seen in some people, particularly women, in Vietnam. Was this what the family was looking for and expecting in their aunt? I notice other Vietnamese arrive and it's quite emotional for some. One woman carries on in a protracted crying state. Did the aunt's family want to avoid this?

We wait a long time at the airport because she has brought gifts to distribute: cherries, plums, and apples. Of course I don't eat them because I can get these fruits at home and the family here may have never tasted them. Another gift that the men get are elaborate plastic watches that measure the heart rate. The watches have quite a number of functions.

The family groups gather in the airport, talk and exchange gifts. I notice other foreigners disembarking. I see them walking alone through the crowds with no one in the world to meet them. There I am on the outside of the family thing.

I even remember the times when I would leave or return after being away from my family for one or two years. I would leave on the bus from Pasadena or take the bus from LAX to Pasadena. There was no thought of my parents fighting the airport traffic or paying for the parking at LAX to see me off or meet me when I returned. Renting an entire bus for this occasion is quite different from my world.

The aunt is making a permanent return to Vietnam so she has shipped 200 pounds of freight baggage that takes three hours to arrive. It will arrive at another location in the airport.

All of us pile in the van and drive down the road about one mile to a roadside restaurant where we have a meal. I note that all the uncles sit at one table, the cousins at another and the women at the same long table as the cousins, but further down. We eat various dishes, rice and soup. I note that Thang is not eating much. We pile on the bus again and drive back to the airport where the aunt and a couple of women relatives are waiting. We drive form the passenger airport to the freight airport (the old airport). It is a long wait and it?s hot. I wait on the bus until the driver stops the engine and turns off the air conditioning. We've seen this problem before.

The family sits to the side of a building in the shade of a couple of threes with a small dirty stream flowing by. There is someone fishing in it and he has caught a rather large fish considering the stream is one to two inches deep.

Thang and his cousins play a game with green nuts growing on one of the trees. The running joke is to call them green litchis. Manh picks the nuts and throws them down and we try to kick them like soccer balls. But they are about one inch in diameter and hard. It stings to kick them. Then Manh throws the nuts down and his cousins throw them back at him hitting him. We go to a place to have pork buns. I decline. It's too hot to eat. Also, I decline any drink because I'm unsure of the ice.

After some time we walk over to customs where the aunt's baggage is being looked through. Next, her baggage is packed up again and we wait even longer. It is implied that the customs officials are giving her a hard time-delaying things-until a bribe is paid. Finally, after about half an hour some paper work is completed and we haul the bags back to the bus. The Bus driver objects to the baggage because the bus is already full of people coming out to the airport. Uncle Cuong(8) shows up with a car and some of the bus passengers drive with him taking a little pressure of the bus. The bag finally gets fitted in.

On the bus trip home Thang reminds me that he arranged to get me out of this trip to the airport. I could have stayed with uncle Minh and avoided the trip. I counter that in spite of the long wait and consequently long all-day venture (we were supposed to get back at noon) I would not have missed the trip for the world. It?s so unusual for me to experience an event where a family rents an entire bus so that a large group can meet someone at the airport.

It's clear that Thang would have gotten out of this obligation if he could have, but his aunt, Van(1), told him that he must be present. It would be an insult for him not to be there. He says that he is extremely tired because his cousins kept him up. Thang is concerned about Aunt Oanh because she seems cold and distant. Also, he doesn't like the way she has spoken to the others; she's spoken in a rude way. I counter that it is very stressfull to return home after seven years permanently. She may not be herself. It's clear Thang thinks this is no excuse.

We get back home and Aunt Oanh goes to her room and more bags are opened and more gifts are distributed. Quite a lively party ensues. Thang does not join in with the others, but stays in his room.
Dinner is served on long tables set up for all on the lower floor eating area. It is for a large gathering of the whole Nguyen clan. This is the largest gathering that I have seen during my stay. All the cousins sit at the back end of the table. I sit on the border between them and the uncles and the women sit over on the side.

During the meal Uncle Cuong leaves. I don't know what is happening. One of his driving companions waves at me first and then I see Thang at his uncle?s car across the street. So I get up to say goodbye. When I get there Thang gives me a funny look. I tell him to tell his uncle that I enjoyed staying at his house and he does.

When I return to the table Thang is not there and I look around for him. Tran Anh tells me that Thang is sad and crying. I can't understand what she is saying at first because the message is so unbelievable. But I finally get the message, find out he is up in his room and go up to see him. Thang's in bed with the lights off so I ask him if he's ok and he says he needs some time alone.

I go back, finish the meal and go up to my room. Giang comes up and says that she would like to study (Earlier she said that she wouldn't have time.). So, she goes back to her place to get something and I get a stool from down stairs. I ask if she wants to study at her place, but she says no. She says that Thang got up, ate a couple of bowls of rice. Now he will rest for an hour and then things will be back to normal. I think that she wants to be studying in my room to be close by to Thang and ready to join the party when it starts up again.

After one hour of study we go back to Thang?s room and there is a crowd of people, some women with babies, who I have never seen before. Thang is almost his usual self, but about down two energy notches. When the group with the babies leave Thang says, "That was quite a crowd? and then suggests that we all go to visit aunt Oanh(10) . Thang tells me specifically to come along. She is sitting on the floor facing the wall, and is clearly upset. So after a few words the group retreats back to Thang's room.

The cousins gather and the room really fills up. I'm reading and enjoying the scene. Tran Anh asks me if I will massage her so I do. Mean while Giang and Young are massaging each other. Thang helps out with Giang. Some of the cousins are massaging each other. Finally the lights are reduced and I make my exit. Tran Anh asked me if I want to sleep in Thang's room for the night, but I say that I cannot because I am not a cousin and some of the parents of the girls would not approve of my presence. She tells me that aunt Nga(3) is sleeping over because Thang is sad.

Returning to my room I notice the altar has added items, a bottle of Hennessy on either side, 2 boxes of Raffaello confections, a carton of Malboros, a carton of 555 Filter Kings. These are probably gifts for the ancestors from aunt Oanh. It?s 11 pm and I fall into a deep sleep.

Questions:

If you flew somewhere who would you expect to come to see you off?
If you were in aunt Oanh's place how well would you have done?
Do you think that joke that the family planned for her was funny or sad?

[Anonymous]

July 20.doc

Cat for Lunch

I wake up at about 6 am when aunt Nga(3) walks through my room. A little later Giang is sitting in the door to the balcony to my room staring out. Aunt Nga comes through again and says something to her and she continues to sit looking out. I can tell she is moody and upset.

I go down to the bathroom and see Thang coming out. He asks about Giang and I tell him that she is up in my room. When I get out of the bathroom Thang and Giang are talking in my room. They continue on and on. All are asleep in Thang's room. I had intended to go swimming. so I do. It has been raining hard in the morning hours and is still raining. I bike out to the pool and have it all to myself. I swim form 6:40 to about 8:00. I'm feeling very sad and emotional on my next to last day with the family and all the swimming makes me feel better. I pedal back home through the rain. I guess the Vietnamese think that I'm crazy, but it isn't so bad. The rain is warm and I just shower and change into dry clothes when I get back.

All are up in Thang's room, but Thang is not there. I wait until the bathroom is free, get showered, shaved, and put on dry clothes. Some of the cousins are around. I go up to Giang's to see if Thang is there. Giang?s mother says they are upstairs and calls for Giang. Giang comes down and says she and Thang are talking and maybe I can stay down stairs and talk with her mother. Gainag's mother sees a hole in my t-shirt and asks to repair it. She puts on an American movie about poisonous spiders. It's kind of scary.

After a while Giang's mother tells me to go up stairs to Thang and Giang. I get there and ask Thang if he needs to talk more with Giang. He says that he would appreciate some time to talk with her alone. So, I go back and finish my movie. My shirt is repaired and I return to my room.

In a while Thang calls me for lunch. We are finally going to have our "cat" meal. We ride motor scooters around the corner to a restaurant. It looks like a home. We go upstairs. We are the only ones there. A platter of dog and of cat is brought in. Thang and I drink water while his two uncles are drinking strong liqueur served in shot glasses; I guess this occasion calls for something stronger than beer. The uncles that invite us are Nga's(3) husband and Hien(5). Big pieces of chitin, leaves (maybe leaves form a Ginkgo tree, and intestine are brought in. We get another helping of cat. Then, all is cleared off and a pot is put on the table with aheating element underneath. It comes to a boil. Thang is given the cat's head including the brain. I'm given a leg. It?s all in a thick soup, but we just pick out pieces of meat. Earlier French bread was served to soak up the gravy of the cat dish. No rice is served at all.

All during the meal Thang talks about various topics. First about him bawling last night. He is getting increasingly emotional about leaving, he is not sleeping at night, his cousins left the bathroom a mess after he asked them to clean it up, and he was very tired because of the trip to the airport to pick up his aunt. The trip was like a prelude to what he will have to do tomorrow. It just all came together and he had to bawl it out. He is fairly macho, but he does get emotional from time to time. But, he doesn't often cry and usually keeps his emotions in control. We agree that men need to be left alone in this kind of situation and get it together on their own. Women, on the other hand, should never be left alone when they get emotional even if they say they need to be alone. This is true even if a man is extremely uncomfortable in their presence.

Thang in returning to Vietnam wonders about his future mate. Should she be Vietnamese and be able to speak the language and follow the customs. If she were not Vietnamese she would not be able to relate well to the Vietnamese Nguyens, or his father's side of the family living in Vietnam. At present his girl friend is a Japanese national who he met at UCLA. He lived with while he was studying there and teaching in Los Angeles. When he moved back to San Leandro she returned to Japan and now works there.

Thang's sister ordered 600 silver necklaces to be made by her relatives in Vietnam. But his sister asked her relatives to front the $1200 needed for the materials. She asked the relatives if this would be acceptable to them and Thang says, "Of course they said 'yes' even if it wasn't OK and would be a hardship for
them." Thang says that his sister should never have put her relatives in that position. So, Thang put up $200 to buffer the cost. He thinks money had to be borrowed form other relatives to meet the cost. $1200 could amount to a year's wages in some people's case. Thang is clearly upset with his sister for not being more socially sensitive in this situation. The necklaces are to be sold as part of his sister's venture into fashion. She hopes to go into business by designing clothes and accessories and develop a brand name. I mention that I have friends whose family was in this business and that it is a very competitive field. Thang said that he had loaned his sister $30,000 toward achieving her goal, which is a lot of money for him.

In the past Thang's father, Hung(2) lost his temper when he visited his family in Vietnam. Evidently he is aware of his status as second oldest (a birthright) and his economic status as a US earner. Lately, however, his temper is less evident and he has become less autocratic. In other words, in his mature years he is mellowing out. He is beginning to respect Thang enough to follow his advise and not yell at family members.

Thang has been told that he is the favorite in his family. The reason for this is that he relates to all ages, visits everyone regularly, and brings his cousins together by sponsoring breakfast, swimming, weight lifting, and desserts on the town. When Thang traveled south to see his uncle suddenly life returned to normal and Giang was sad that the cousins were not together. So Thang's presence makes a huge difference in the family?s texture, particularly for the younger set.

I asked how the family likes me being there. I confessed that I could not view my image to the outside very well. He said they liked me. I was fine.

Then we talked about the aunt Oanh(10) who has just returned from Germany. She has been divorced three, not twice. During her third marriage she went to Germany to make money and sent money home for seven years. But, her Vietnamese husband living in Go Dau left her for a 23 year old. Thang's aunt has come back messed up because she cannot even buy a house. Her former husband spent all the money she sent back. Thang would like to deck him. Also, she made tainted money in Germany by selling illegal items, probably stolen goods. So, she has lost her moral standards by making money in a shady manner.

Thang is proud to be a good example for his cousins, although they may be tired of hearing it form their parents. In the future he sees himself as a principal of a school, maybe even a school superintendent. He feels that it is important to make money in a legal manner so that one may be morally upright and proud in the way money is gathered. This is in opposition to his aunt who makes money in any manner.

One of the first things she said to him when she met him was about setting up paper marriages for his cousins so that they could some to the US. Thang thinks that this is an example of the way he aunt thinks. She thinks about money first rather than about relationships and people. Maybe that is why she as been so unlucky in marriage.

Thang is sorry that there are just two days overlap in the time his aunt is around and he is present. He would like to get to know her, but he cannot or will not be able to in so short a time. In my opinion this view shows Thang's admirable positive and open side. In spite of a bad first impression at the airport and her sad history, he is still open to knowing his aunt better and perhaps discovering her better qualities.

Thang?s favorite cousin is Giang. She has the most potential to succeed if she would be able to come to the US for study. Her English is very fluid and her vocabulary is good. Also, she has clear goals and the ambition to reach them. His cousin Duc, the son of Vinh(7)is also very close, but his English is not as good. He relates to Duc because they both work out and develop their bodies. They talk about girls together in the same way. But their managerial style differs. Thang likes a more cooperative style while Duc is more dictatorial in his approach. Thang has talked to him about this to see if he could modify his style.

Thang would like to help Giang financially get to the US, but this might create misunderstandings and hard feelings in the extended family. Thang is aware of the problem of maintaining balance within the family.

Thang tells me that at first he thought I should leave before his aunt arrived, but now thinks it's fine that I stayed because she is messed up and is keeping to herself. Before he felt that the whole family would be busy entertaining her and would have no time for me, but that is not the case up to this point.

He tells me that for the 20th and 21st he will have family business and will not be able to spend time with me. I tell him that I certainly understand this situation and that I am grateful for all the time he has lavished on me up to this point.

That over, we depart while the men stay to drink green tea and talk. We find our way back due to Thang's keen eye; it's just around the corner form where we eat breakfast. In the afternoon I am on my own and I go around town saying hi to everyone. I go to the uncle Hoan's(13) shop and ask about the hair wash, which was supposed to be scheduled to Tuesday. Its 5:30 and it?s too late for his employee to do it now.

I return home to find that tables are set up in the lower shop in preparation for a large dinner. Up in my room before dinner I observe the twin Uncles praying in front of the family altar and burning incense. Food is brought up to the altar. I kind of delay taking a shower and Thang looks at me in a way that says I should get going and stop starring. I delay and say I want to see. Finally, I get a shower and head for dinner.

The cousins sit together in back, then Thang, me, Ming and all the uncles and women in front. It's a great meal. The beef stew is especially tasty and tender. The uncles are drinking the Jack Daniels Red Label that was on the family altar in my room.

After dinner the uncles get in a yelling match. I do not know the reason. But from experience I know that drinking brings on problems like this. I don't ask about it and Thang doesn't tell me. Right away in the middle of the shouting Thang quickly organizes a motorcycle trip for his cousins. I'm almost sure it's to get way form the confusion at home. We just ride around town not going anywhere in particular. On our return Thang and one of his relations go off to return a motorcycle we have borrowed. When he returns Thang asks me if I want to accompany his cousins to eat snails. I say sure. We get ready to go, but his aunt hears about it and gets quite angry because it is her belief that if you eat snails in the evening you get the runs. So the trip is called off.

We go up to the room. It is full of people and I stay until someone tells me everyone is going to sleep. They are not really going to sleep, they are going to talk. I depart and spend a restless night alone.

Question:

Would you eat Dog or Cat meat?
Is it alright to make money any way that you can, or are there limits?
Would you want to get to know the aunt who returned from Germany?

[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 11:05:19 PM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

July 21.doc

Two Departures

I get up early. I can't sleep. No one is awake, but I still hope someone will decide to go swimming with me. I delay until 6:35, give up and go swimming alone. It is still raining and I get wet both ways. Again I realize by the looks from people along my path that it is not very Vietnamese to get wet in the rain. Probably some superstition warns about catching some illness or another. The pool is empty. Maybe it is also not very Vietnamese to go swimming alone. Maybe it's forbidden to go swimming when it's raining. Anyway, I have a good swim.

Back home Thang and his cousin Young are just getting up. Thang asks me where I went in the morning and seems amused when I tell him. He comments that he didn't know I liked swimming that much. I guess he is trying to make a joke. Maybe he should try again when he is fully awake.

All the cousins go to eat breakfast, but Thang doesn't and neither do I. I'm not really hungry, not even after swimming. Later, Giang says that her mother has boiled some eggs. Would I go there to eat? Thang is going too. They turn out to be fertilized duck eggs that Giang's brother likes. They look really disgusting, but I try one. The egg whites are hard and chewy. I'm used to eating strange food, but, in this case, they make me truly sick. I keep quiet about it. Then Giang's mother gives Thang a set of shot glasses as a present and she gives me a tea set. This really surprises me and makes me very happy.

Giang's mother gives Thang a $100 bill. It seems earlier Thang sold his guitar to Giang's brother, Thien. The guitar originally cost $300. Thang said that it is nice that she gave him the cash in US currency because Vietnamese Dong are valueless outside of the country. He says that he will try to return some of the money at the airport.

After eating duck eggs at Giangs Thang asks me if I want to go to his aunt's house. I ask which one. (See I'm getting smarter by asking where I am going and what will happen there.) It's not that I don't want to go, because I do want very much to be included. It's more that I want to be prepared for what will happen. It turns out to be the aunt with a bad leg, the wife of uncle Hien(5). I ask if it will get better. It seems she has a condition where one leg is shorter than the other so they had to insert a piece of bone in the shorter leg. And, yes, she will get better and not be confined to bed.

We go over and Tran Anh joins us coming on another scooter. After entering through the long corridor we come to the living area. I'm motioned to the couch away form the bed where the aunt is sitting. I pull up a stool near the bed and sit with the rest. Sorry, I don't feel like being relegated to the isolated guest area. I want to be part of the group. Of course I understand nothing and no one is translating. But that's not new. At least I?m in there. We say goodbye.

Now Thang asks me if I want to visit his uncle. I don't know which one, but this time I decide not to ask which one and simply say yes. (See how I'm getting dumber by not asking where I am going and what will happen there). Note here that Thang has not told me which uncle and his has not told me the nature of the visit. I just assume we are going to visit one of his uncles to say goodbye. We drive to the hairdresser shop. Surprise, without warning it is my appointment for a hair wash with the expert hair washer.

This all has a history and goes back to several days when Thang and I visited the aunt with a bad leg. The visit lasted some time. I guess it lasted a bit too long. We next went to uncle Hoan's(13). Thang promptly sat down for a hair wash and facial. It was quite clear that the person in the uncle's employ was more experienced and skillful that Tran Anh and that this experience would be quite special. I was feeling glowing good thoughts for Thang who I knew had planned this special event that included me just before my departure for the US where I would never be able to afford such a treatment. I sat waiting patiently expecting to be next. Like Thang's haircut the session this session took some time to complete.

I?m waiting but I'm getting anxious. It's getting late. Thang gets up and I stand up ready to get my session. Everyone looks surprised. The employee says that she has stayed overtime to take care of Thang and that she is going home. I am told that we arrived late from Thang's aunt's house. So everyone agrees that I will get my hair wash on the following day. On the following day I arrive late at 5:30 and am told I cannot have a hair wash because the employee is busy with someone else. Thang's uncle, her employer, is not around at the time and no one is around to translate and make things nice. So at the big dinner on the previous day I make a complaining joke to Thang's uncle, her employer, that I am upset because I did not receive my hair wash as agreed. I didn't mention that I was very late and had forgotten to get myself over there earlier. Of course, this time Thang is there to translate and therefore my feelings are expressed quite clearly.

Back to my hair wash. Of course this situation embarrasses me. On the 20th Thang made a very reasonable and understandable request to give him some space, because he needed to carry out personal matters before his departure. I agreed to this completely. The last thing Thang needed was to worry about me on the morning of his afternoon departure. Ok. I guess I get major minus Vietnamese points big time. I accept the hair wash and facial. It's truly a great event. I even manage to zone out several times during the treatment in spite of my embarrassment.

On the ride home he asks me if I enjoyed it. Ok, rub it in. Again on the bus to the airport he mentions it again. He's pissed, I think. I'm silently sorry that I got pushy and whiny about it. But, on the other hand, I felt that if I didn't express what I really felt I was being a coward or wimp, and was afraid to just say up front what I really wanted. I remembered when aunt Nga(3) read my palm. She said people interrupted me and I let it go. This time I didn't want to let it go. Maybe there is no happy medium. Actually, if Thang had been up front and told me early that morning that we were going to his uncles for a hair wash I would have either called it off or gone there myself by bike. Actually the bottom line is that he specifically asked me not to intrude on the 20th and 21st because of what he was going through emotionally and I managed to screw it up.

We go home to pack. Earlier I asked Thang is he could take some clothes back for me because they would not all fit in my small back pack and he said that he had more than enough room. But now Thang's suitcase is getting full of stuff that the aunts keep adding. Thus includes many red boxes of some kind of confection.

This changes how much room he has in his suitcase, but at this point, on the very day of departure, it does not change the size of my backpack. At one point Thang asks me if I want a second carryon and holds up a red bag. I miss the cue because I am thinking that I do not want to take someone else's bag and I fail to consider that he doesn't want to take my stuff. So I say no. Not very Vietnamese. Should I have taken the bag? Well, when I arrived in Los Angeles and had to take the local bus form the Airport to Montrose and then walk for over an hour up hill to my house I was very glad that I had not accepted the extra bag. When you do not have a 24-seat bus full of people meeting you at the airport things are not the same as when you have to go it alone. Later, walking up the hill I remembered why I carry such a small pack. All those aunts jamming red boxes of candy should have been thinking of my problems. All those sweets are useless anyway. They only rot peoples' teeth.

Some of the clothes are still wet and Thang doesn't want to take damp clothes in his suitcase. Good idea. In the heat they will quickly grow mold. So, his aunts and cousins will iron dry all the wet clothes including mine. Thang asks me to select which clothes should be dried. How can I select when all the clothes have to be dry. I don't get it.

The bus leaves at 1:30 pm and lunch is at 12:30 and it's 11:30. Thang has told me that the young crowd, his cousins, will go on the bus at his request. Otherwise, they would never get a chance to go. There is one hour and I use it to go by bike to visit all the uncles that I will not see again because they will not be on the bus. This regular visiting thing is something different for me and in doing this I am definitely trying to learn from Thang. Of course I cannot say anything to them and joke around with them like Thang does, but I at least show up. I think they don't mind.

It?s 12:30 and lunch is about to begin. Lunch is at uncle Tuan's(11) place with a big pot of boiled fish and another dish of squid. I sit between Thang and aunt Oanh(10). She asks Thang about me and he tells me to speak German to her. So, I try to speak German, but her accent is very thick. When I ask her what city she has lived in I think she says Brehmenhausen, but I cannot be sure. Her German is very cautious and a bit confusing. In the end German never starts to flow with all the Vietnamese being spoken. Just before lunch is over Thang gets up and leaves and shortly after I follow. From the expression of the aunt maybe I should have stayed. Thang is up stairs because the clothes are coming off the line and need to be sorted and some need to be iron dried (See earlier when I wrote about this). We fiddle around with packing and the bus comes. I have no idea what has been packed in Thang's suitcase and with time so short the suitcase cannot be unpacked to find out. In fact two of my new Foci T-shirts that I bought in Vietnam will be left behind as well a one pair of boxer shorts. The bus arrives, we say goodbye to the uncles and aunts and, yes, Thang?s cousins are on board the bus. Uncle Hien(5) comes along because Thang says he arranged for the bus. He is going to try to pay him for it. I don't know if he managed to do this.

The bus ride to the airport is uneventful except for the question about me enjoying the hair wash. At the airport Thang is in control and very stiff. Tran Anh gets emotional, cries a little and gives me a big hug. Thang checks in and only has a half hour until he must go inside the secure area. He hugs all the girls and the boys stand back. Before this many pictures are taken with various combinations of Thang and others. Soon Thang goes inside. And then I stay up stairs and all the party quickly depart down the escalator-waving goodbye as they go. Suddenly, I am alone and on my own for the first time of 17 days.

I find out that I am flying Pacific Air and cannot change from the 8:30 pm to the 6 pm Vietnam Air flight. It turns out to be good luck that I am not able to change the flight. The 6 pm Vietnam Air flight is delayed and my flight at 8:30 pm leaves before it does. The flight to Saigon is very Vietnamese with limited English and interesting local food.

I arrive in Saigon at about 10 pm. It is dark and confusing. At first I cannot figure out which direction to take out of the airport. I do exactly what I should not do. I take a scooter into District One to my old hotel. I am recognized immediately and after some haggling, but really very little, I get a third floor room with two double beds for $5.

Questions:

When you have been staying somewhere for a time is the departure from that place difficult or easy?
What factors made you feel it is either difficult or easy?
How should a person get ready for a departure?

[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 10:59:24 PM"][/Edit]
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 11:01:57 PM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

I created a WORD Drawing file of the Nguyen residence at 46 Ngo Quyen Street. I tried to save it as an attachment but it failed to work. If anyone has a solution please let me know. [Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 10, 10:08:36 AM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

The Nguyen Residence at 46 Ngo Quyen, Go Dau: A Description

The residence frontage on 46 Ngo Quyen Street is about 18 feet wide. You enter a restaurant area through double doors. The restaurant is about 18 feet wide and 26 feet long. It has a counter at the right front side and a row of glass display cases against the left wall. From morning to early afternoon tables are arranged for customers in front around the counter. Later they are pushed to the right side so that motorcycles can be removed from street parking outside in front of the restaurant and stored inside on the left side at night.
To get to the residential units you walk through the restaurant to a stairwell that divides the entire building into approximately equal parts, the front street side and the back. In back of the stairwell you enter the quarters of Uncle Tu(12) that is open and has no door. First you enter a living/sleeping area that is 18 feet wide and 18 feet deep. Waking back through this area is a door into a kitchen that is 9 feet deep. To the left in the kitchen area is a door into the bathroom that measures about 9 by 6 feet. The other two living units above Uncle Tu duplicate this arrangement.
Proceeding up the stairwell you arrive at Uncle Tuan's(11) unit. The front of his unit is walled in with glass windows with a door to the right. As I mentioned the floor plan is exactly like Uncle Tu's.
One half flight further up the stairwell you reach Uncle Hung's(2) unit. This unit is in front of the residence and is occupied only by Uncle Hung and his family when they visit. Otherwise it is left vacant. It is situated above the restaurant and faces the street. It also is walled in with glass windows and has a door on the right hand side. You enter into a kitchen area with a bathroom on the left hand side. The Kitchen area is not outfitted for use and functions more as a storage area. The Bathroom, on the other hand, is nicely developed. Unlike the other units it has a bathtub installed at Uncle Hung's request. There is another door into the bedroom/living area that measures about 18 feet by 18 feet. This room is where Thang and all his cousins slept. The street side of this room has large windows and a door leading to a small balcony with a view of the street.
Proceeding up another half flight you reach the unit that I occupied. It is in back of the residence. Aunt Oanh(10) moved into this room when she arrived. It duplicates Uncle Tuan's quarters.
Proceeding up another half flight you reach the Family Shrine Room. It has a solid wall and entry door on the left. Entering this room the family shrine occupies the entire wall facing the stairwell. There is no kitchen or bathroom area, just one room approximately 18 feet by 18 feet. The street side of the room has a wall with large glass windows and a door on the left side leading to a large balcony. The balcony is as large as a kitchen and bathroom unit. The balcony has an elaborate roof covering the back portion and the front is open o the sky. Some potted plants grow there.
Proceeding up another half fight you reach a door leading to an open area which has a covered portion used to dry clothes. A large cemet water tank is located at the far side of this area. From here you can have a nice view of the town.
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 10, 10:05:49 AM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

I was so impressed with the beauty of Hanoi. There were big wide sweeping boulevards with lakes throughout the city. Much of the architecture was French Country Style that was inherited from the part the French played in their history. There were also many fantastic modern buildings. But the thing that impressed me most was the new construction that created a perimeter around the entire city. There was building site, after building site, of beautiful condominiums. The average price was $350.000. I questioned who was buying them since teachers earn about $100 to $170 a month. Obviously it must be foreign money but I found it very interesting.[Edit by="pdobkin on Oct 9, 3:00:03 PM"][/Edit]
[Edit by="pdobkin on Nov 13, 3:08:04 PM"][/Edit]

[Anonymous]

Most modern buildings that big ($350.000) are owned by some foriengers, however, businessmen in Vietnam can also afford them too. This is a communist country. the gap between the poor and the rich is huge. Buildings in Vietnam, whether in Hanoi, Saigon, or Hue (central VN) coud be expenssive or cheap depending on the site and type of construction. However, not all the money comes from foriegn countries. Vietnamese make money from their own businesses too.
Although education is highly valued in Vietnam, Vietnamese grade school teachers are among the least paid job, even less paid than a person who is paid minimum wage here. There isn't a guideline or pay scale for each job in Vietnam. Education is highly valued in Vietnam, yet it's pay is quite insulting. 🙁

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